Anyone who has had a second baby will know that supporting the first born child with the arrival of their sibling can be a huge part of the transition for everyone. And understandably so, given that up until the baby’s arrival, the first born child had all of the time, energy and presence from their parents.

As a qualified early childhood teacher (who chose to stop teaching years ago due to my experience in the industry - perhaps another blog in time to come!) I knew that this transition would be a big one, as I saw many children navigate it when I was teaching in a centre. So when our second baby arrived, I wanted to have some strategies in place to support our toddler with the transition.

I won’t be sharing details on our toddler’s unique transition and what his experience was - because that’s his. What is mine to share is what we did and how we prepared ourselves for this time. I do believe that if your first child is older than 5-7 years (this is when a child’s prefrontal cortex is sufficiently integrated so they shift away from that impulsive and untempered brain we know and love in preschoolers - read more in Rest, Play, Grow - one of my favourite parenting books) then the transition would look different to what it does for a younger child.

Here’s how we supported our toddler with the arrival of his sibling:

• We bought him his own front pack that he could use to carry his teddies around if he chose to and be just like us carrying the baby. In that same book, Rest, Play, Grow, Dr Deborah MacNamara talks about why children love to copy what we do as parents. She shares the six phases of attachment that unfolds over the first six years of life and one of these is attaching through sameness. She explains that attachment fuels an emotional need to be the same as people closest to us. So I hope that explains for you all why your little one copies your every move! You can buy the Boba Mini Doll Carrier here.

• We have a set of the Schleich toy animals that he loves playing with, so I bought him a selection of the baby animals to go with the animals he had. This was really supportive for his imaginary play during the transition.

• Every night before bed, we would set up something special for him to play with the following morning (and still do!). This takes us under 5 minutes, usually around 1 minute to do, and it has huge benefits. It not only gives us a headstart to the morning play and creativity, but it also shows him that we were thinking of him overnight which made him feel seen and valued and strengthened our connection.

• We used a bridging item to support any separation. We choose not to use daycare, and instead my parents help us out with childcare. During the transition, the frequency of their visits increased and so too did his time out and about with them. To bridge the separation (another excellent term from Rest, Play, Grow - have you bought your copy yet?!), we used a tangible item that he could take with him when he was out with them. I had a copy of the exact same item at home with me. As Dr Deborah MacNamara explains in her book, “when we create a bridge, we are helping the child focus on what stays the same and connects us despite the divide that has opened up between us.” She encourages this for school/daycare/bedtimes but we found it worked really effectively at this time too.

• Finally, and possibly most importantly, we supported him with his emotions around the transition. I won’t be sharing his experience, but what I will say is that supporting our children to release and let go of their emotions is incredibly powerful work and absolutely necessary at this time.

A huge focus of this postpartum has also been on my own nourishment so I am giving myself the best chance of showing up as the parent I want to each and every day in this transition. There's one thing I know for certain, if I was running on toast and scraps of food off my toddler's plate, then this transition would be 1000000 x harder.

Your own nourishment matters, let's bring it back to the forefront, mama.