I know, I know, provocative title isn’t it? For those who haven’t heard of Free Birthing before, this is used to describe a woman having a baby without the help of any medical professionals. Although my birth plan (which you can read all about here) was very clear about being calm, and natural with minimal interventions and interruptions - I actually did intend on having a midwife present for my second birth and my first home birth. But, as is the case with many births, my birth wasn’t what I had planned but it was exactly what I needed.

I want to start by saying whatever birth place you choose, I recommend doing so in guidance with your midwife or chosen health professional. Birthing at home was an easy choice for us as it felt aligned and I was a low-risk pregnancy. It’s important that you follow what’s right for you and your pregnancy, always. If you’d like some inspo on creating a natural, calm birth space wherever you birth, whether that’s at home and at the hospital, check out my blog all about it.

So this birth story actually begins with a dream. A very vivid dream. The night before my initial surges started, I had a dream. In the dream, I had given birth to our second child at home and it was so vivid, I woke up and said to my husband Mark that I felt really unsettled by how real the dream felt. It unsettled me so much because it felt as if it had happened.

Now in hindsight, I can only wonder if this was a message from our baby, or my body, letting me know that things were beginning and it was showing me what was to come.

The day following the dream, I had what I thought were Braxton Hicks all day, on and off, varying in intensity. I never experienced them with my first child so I assumed that’s what they were as I just didn’t think I was going into labour. The timing didn’t feel right.

We had my mum lined up to come and support us with our older toddler during the birth, and I messaged her that evening to say, “Don’t worry about coming over early as the surges have eased. I’ll stay in touch”. Little did I know what I was in store for that evening!

I was lying on the couch with Mark that evening and asked him to pass me the baby book we had used as a guide for the birth with our first child. As I flicked through the book, reminding myself of the stages of labour and what to expect, I remember thinking, “You don’t need to know this, your body knows.”

I also had a conversation with Mark about how I was feeling fear. I wanted to be upfront and honest with my feelings and not push them away. I shared my fear that if these were just Braxton Hicks, the practice contractions, then how would I cope with the real deal? I also shared that I didn’t feel ready, what if I couldn’t do it?

We spoke some more, worked through the fears and then I shared with him that if at any stage of the birth (whenever that may be) I was dipping into this fear state, I wanted him to remind me that it’s safe to come back to trust. That love is the opposite of fear. That my body can do this.

We went to bed and I remember falling asleep instantly. I woke around midnight and needed to use the toilet, which was pretty standard at my stage of pregnancy. Sitting on the toilet, I experienced a strong surge in my body. I went back to bed and woke on and off with surges through to 3:33am (the exact time I looked at the clock, of course). 

At this point, I woke Mark and said, “I’m experiencing some strong surges but I think we’re all good. I’ll let you know if it changes.” He went back to sleep until 4:30am when he woke to me calling his name with some urgency. The surges had increased in intensity and it was starting to dawn on me that perhaps these were more than just Braxton Hicks! At this point, Mark started gauging roughly how long it was between surges to know when to contact our midwife. We were sitting around 5-6 minutes apart so we left contacting them until they were closer together.

During each surge, I would perch on the edge of the bed, and Mark would kneel on the floor in front of me and I would drape my hands around his neck and allow him to hold my body weight. I loved this birthing position because it really helped with the intensity for me and allowed him to say encouraging words in my ear. I particularly loved him saying, “You’ll get to meet our baby soon”.

It didn’t take long and the surges dropped to 3 minutes apart so we decided to call our midwife and my mum to get them on their way. At this stage, we thought we had a couple of hours to go at least, so believed they all had plenty of time to reach us before baby arrived.

Well, we were wrong.

Not long after the surges were coming 3 minutes apart, I started setting up my birth alter. It was something I wanted to do in the initial stages of labour to remind me how supported and held I was in this space, but I didn’t realise that I’d left it a wee bit too late. While setting this up with my toddler, I felt pressure and a full feeling in my body. I stood up and with the next surge, my waters burst. Intuitively, my toddler passed me the beautiful mala necklace that my incredible friend made me for my Mother’s Blessing. This necklace was made with love and the intention of giving me strength in my home birth and it felt so empowering to put it on at such a critical point.

Mark messaged the midwife to let her know that my waters had burst, and I’ll never forget her reply: “I likely won’t make it. Get ready to catch a baby.”

Well, that’s one way to get a man into action mode 😂

Sitting on the edge of the bed no longer felt possible for the intensity of the surges, so Mark suggested leaning on the windowsill instead and it worked a treat. Not long after my waters broke, I felt an intense sensation to push and pressure low down. I shared this with Mark, so I reached down to feel for baby’s head. I said to him, “I think I can feel baby’s head. Can you check?”

He had a look and was initially like “No, I don’t think so” and then it very quickly changed to “Oh my god yes there it is”. I experienced one more intense surge and birthed her head. After a small pause, the rest of baby’s body was birthed into the hands of Mark only two hours after he had got up from bed.

At the exact same time as she arrived into this world, we heard a car door shut out the front of the house and knew that the midwife had just arrived. Mark passed baby to me and I will never forget those seconds holding this brand new baby and waiting for that first breath to be taken. As the midwife walked in the door, she took her first breath of life and I drew her in close to my body to begin our skin-to-skin experience/marathon.

I stood there, on the spot, in equal parts shocked and in awe of what my body - and my husband and I - had just achieved. I couldn’t believe that he had helped me bring this baby into the world and that it had actually just happened. I couldn’t believe that we did it all by ourselves and that she was really here. In my mind, I was still having Braxton Hicks!

The midwife ushered me on to my bed and mentioned that she was drawing up oxytocin as a precautionary measure for my blood loss. I asked for some more time for my body to do what it needed to do before giving the oxytocin and she agreed to monitor me closely. Thankfully, my body kicked into gear and the bleeding slowed so the oxytocin was not necessary. Ultimately with all my birthing decisions, my first approach is always to allow space and time for my body to do what it instinctively knows how to do, provided there’s no immediate danger to my health or safety.

About an hour after the birth, my mum arrived with her arms full with bags of chicken nibbles (got to have snacks for the birth team right?!) and she almost dropped the lot when she saw me lying there with a baby in my arms. I don’t think she could quite believe how quickly things progressed from that first phone call, and I’ll always remember her arriving, seeing the baby, bursting into tears, and saying, “Oh my god, I’ve got my arms full of chicken nibbles!”

This birth, just like my first, was something I will never forget. The details may fade in time, but the feeling of complete trust in my body won’t. I know it’ll be something that will guide me in so many moments of my life moving forward.

If you are pregnant, or planning to be, I hope this story inspires you to also trust your own body and what it is capable of. If you have already given birth, I hope that you find peace and acceptance with whatever your birth was. Because ultimately, all we can do is accept that it was exactly what it was meant to be.