Yep, you read that right, we declined visitors during our postpartum. In a time where support and help is so crucial, we declined visitors to our home. Why would they do that? you may be asking yourself and I want to share more on this and on how we intentionally created the fourth trimester that would support us all.

Firstly, for those who don’t know, the first three months after baby is born is commonly known as the fourth trimester. It’s an important time for the mother and baby to bond and rest and ease themselves into their journey together and for the baby to adjust to life outside of the womb. If we think about this time from the baby’s persepctive (because I love viewing things from how our children would experience them), every single thing they encounter is new to them. The brightness of light, the feeling of a breeze, the softness of hands, the sound of voices. All of it is a new experience for them. So slowly easing them into these experiences can be really supportive for your baby too.

As this was my second postpartum period, I knew it wouldn’t look like my first. I knew I would have to be more intentional with what I was creating and not just wing it, hoping that support would just land in front of me allowing me to have the postpartum I desired. I also knew that this postpartum would involve supporting my eldest child with the transition so simply going and napping when baby napped wasn’t always possible!

When planning this time, the following is what felt aligned for us. An important word to underline because there is no doubt that some of the following will not resonate with you, but there’s also no doubt that some of it will. I believe that instinctively many women crave a different type of postpartum to the one they experience but don’t know how to create this. My hope is that by sharing this, it gives you the confidence and support to bring to life the postpartum that truly nourishes you.

Our postpartum plan:

• While my husband was completely off work (he took 3 weeks off completely) we decided to create a family bubble that was just us for the first two weeks. Now I know this definitely isn’t the norm, as many newborn babies are immediately visited by every single family member that has ever existed. But for us, this felt incredibly sacred and nourishing. The intention behind this was to give us space and time as a new family of four to bond, get to know each other, establish breastfeeding and navigate the emotions of this time together. My mum did come and visit once during this time and this was a conversation we had with our families before baby arrived.

• For the first week, I was to just rest, lie horizontal and be with the baby. I wanted to focus on my own healing and establishing feeding without thinking about the cooking or cleaning. Because it was just the four of us, this meant my amazing husband was on allllll the duties including nourishing me, but it actually worked really well and all flowed beautifully. If he wasn’t keen to do this, we would’ve most likely had my mum come and stay or we would’ve had a doula support us for that time.

• After those two weeks, our bubble was burst with visits from both of our parents and we slowly started inviting friends to visit our home too. We have been very intentional with how often we have people visiting and who we have coming to visit. It’s important to us that they understand the value of a slow fourth trimester and that I was comfortable breastfeeding on demand around them. In the early days, it’s also important to us that our toddler knows all the visitors to our home. The intention behind this is that this transition is big enough without the addition of unfamiliar people in his space and in his home. To establish this boundary, we had a sign on our front door saying thank you for the visit and any food or gifts they had bought and that we would be in touch when we were ready for visitors.

• We did ensure to maintain a familiar routine for our toddler during this time so my husband would take him out to different experiences each day that he already was doing before baby’s arrival. So they would head out, but we were conscious about who we were bringing in.

• When visitors did come to see us and meet our baby, they weren’t offered a cuddle with the baby immediately. As I mentioned above, everything is new to the baby and this includes all the different faces that play a role in their lives. For us, it’s important that baby has seen the face once or twice before, before she is held by them. If I did offer a cuddle with her to a visitor, then I would always explain to her what was happening first. I also chose never to hand her over to someone else while she was asleep so she wouldn’t wake up in unfamiliar arms.

• When visitors did come in the early days, they were asked to not wear any perfume. The impact of fragrance on hormone health is well documented (see more here) and it was important to us that our baby bubble didn’t start smelling of synthetic fragrance. I even asked my midwife! Here’s how I worded it (because I’m a recovering people pleaser so know this convo isn’t easy for everyone!):
  “We can’t wait to see you. If you wouldn’t mind, we’re asking anyone who comes to visit, and especially anyone who would like a baby cuddle, to not wear any perfume for their visit, is that okay with you?”

• We chose not to send photos of the baby to anyone other than close friends and immediate family. This was the most difficult boundary to set because I have loads of extended family overseas who I wanted to introduce to my baby, but my inner guidance was a giving me a very firm ‘no’ about sending photos so I trusted that. Instead we are going to go old-school and send a photo via snailmail to our families.

So there you have it! It may feel like we declined a lot of support in those early days to some of you, but I tell you now, I have never felt so supported or held. I could feel my girlfriends and loved ones cheering me on and thinking of me and dropping goodies to my door. Yes, we declined visitors, but we absolutely didn’t decline support. I know many families are raising their own family without extended family support and I encourage you to create your own village around you of friends who are like family. You know that saying, “friends are just the family that you choose”. Say yes to offers, lean on your network and create the space that feels incredibly delicious for you. It may look like the above, it may not, but you can be assured that it will be perfect for you.

Creating the fourth trimester that you desire, that will support you, that will ensure you’re nourished is so incredibly important for your wellbeing, your baby’s and your family’s too. From my personal experience, doing this has completely transformed my experience of this time.

Your own nourishment matters, let's bring it back to the forefront, mama.